I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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