My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
