She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize