I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
