The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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