Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I got her a Nickelback box set.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
