Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
