he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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