How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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