I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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