can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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