I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
