ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
