I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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