just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
