Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
