i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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