I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
