pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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