The maid of honor just puked.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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