My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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