My first STD was from a foam party
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize