she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
