Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
