Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
