my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't think brook has ever known best
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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