Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
