Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
