Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
