I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
