If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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