i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize