Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
