be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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