I'm lost and stupid without you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
