In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
