The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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