I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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