i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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