Hey man sorry I got all grabby
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
