i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
