we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
