So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
