party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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