i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
