So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
