so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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