I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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