my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
