so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
