Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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