People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
