I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
