Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
