It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
