u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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