Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
