I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
