can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
