I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
