lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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