I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
