I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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