I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i want to swaddle you in tequila
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This baby is an asshole
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
