there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
