I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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