haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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