Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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