Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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