New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
