College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
