im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
