Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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