Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
