I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
