I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize