My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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