i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
