Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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