Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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