I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
