An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
