dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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