she woke up with a sticky ear
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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