In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
