Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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