I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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