Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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