i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
