She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
