You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
