i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This is the high leading the old right now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
