We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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