I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
