If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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