I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Still dying that you shit outside
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
