masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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