i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
