either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize