Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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