Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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