shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
