i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
