Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
