Me. At least after what I've been through.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
